1+ year later

This morning it occurred to me that it had been a while since I wrote on here. More than a year, as it turns out! Though it looks like I had something cooking that never made the cut last November.

(It’s been a while since I wrote anything at all in general, tbh… personal journal ramblings aside.)

I think it could be fun to jump back in, so I think I will. I’ve picked up some new hobbies, dropped some old hobbies. Haven’t quite reached a place of acceptance for my current career, but have accepted that I need to stay for the time being.

The burnout has felt very real, but alas, the bills must be paid and my pets’ mouths must remain fed. I think that I simultaneously need to get out more and get some new perspectives on life and also need to take a good break to stay home and be bored for a little bit.

At the start of 2026 I did a little ceremony to decide what my focus would be for the year, and the universe decided I needed to get my finances under control and pay off all of my debt (excluding student loans). We could have gone on an extravagant trip exploring a new place or started a new business of mysterious origin, but the powers that be went practical this year. I’ve already accomplished that goal and the win didn’t quite hit as hard as I thought it would, but I suppose it was kind of a relief.

Now I’m just working a whole lot, making stamps out of rubber erasers, walking my dog, and doodling on procreate. We did garden again this summer, and I think we did better in some ways and worse in other ways than the 2025 season.

This afternoon I think that I might take all of the clothes I own out of storage bags/dressers/the closet to go all KonMari on my wardrobe.

Hopefully I’ll be back on here sooner than 12+ months!

What move is possible?

“don’t make a clean sweep, don’t wipe all your pieces off the board…. surprise yourself, and keep the game going, instead of turning your back on it. you can always start again once it’s finished. for the time being, ask yourself what move is possible - even if it’s only a tiny one - in order to enjoy the game and make it interesting.”

ollivier pourriol, the french art of not trying too hard

When I read, I’m a total note-taker. I write down quotes, words I like, sentences that flow in a pretty way, and phrases that I find thought provoking. While re-reading some of those notes, I came across this one: ask yourself what move is possible. If you can’t change the game you’re playing and you can’t start over with a whole new game, consider what other moves might be possible to enjoy the same game a little bit more.

So lately that’s what I find myself doing. I’m asking myself, what move is possible? After more than a year of applying and interviewing, I haven’t had success in finding a new job. So how can I be okay with staying where I am for a bit? Is there some kind of side-hustle that I can take on to feel more inspired and fulfilled professionally? Is there anything that I can do at work to make the days feel more tolerable?

We’ve been looking at houses for a few years now, with one rejected offer and virtually none available in our price range. How can I make my current living situation more enjoyable? The lack of a washer and dryer for laundry is a real pain point for me; is there something I can do to make laundry day a nicer experience?

Amidst the frustration of things not working out, I’m trying to look for the small changes I can make to make the game - life - more interesting or enjoyable.

New Hobbies

Lately I have found myself thinking about little kid Jenna a lot. I think it’s because I’ve been spending so much time around family, friends, and their kids. I keep thinking about what little Jenna would have thought about where I am now. In my early- to mid-twenties I started traveling a lot, in part because I did not have the opportunity to do so as a kid. I knew that little Jenna would love to hear about the places we went, the things we saw, the food we tried.

When I started graduate school, I was pretty sure little Jenna would have been like, ‘uh… science?’ Biotechnology was never my plan A. Honestly, working in any kind of biomedical field wasn’t on my radar until the end of high school/beginning of college. If I became a librarian, an artist, a graphic designer - honestly any kind of creative field, bonus points if it involved clothes and fashion - I think little Jenna would be saying “yes, grown-up me is so cool.” When I think back too hard I frequently find myself asking “how the heck did I get here?”

I think, as humans, we have a great capacity to change as we age. There will always be little pieces of little us, but we are so malleable and capable of growing and becoming different adults. I do enjoy science, especially biology. Lately I’ve been learning more about gardening, and I’ve been considering diving deeper into botany and environmental science, reading about native plants that are friendly for pollinators.

Most of my hobbies are still creative. Sewing, drawing, painting… I also love reading and, occasionally, writing. It’s kind of nice to think that anyone can change direction at any point in their life, though. I read this article from Dr. Anthony Kovatch, pediatrician, who started running in his mid-forties and now runs marathons. He finished last in the Pittsburgh Marathon at 73 years old in last place, taking 7 hours 41 minutes, and he’s proud of that. He inspired me so much. While I have never been interested in running a marathon - 26.2 miles feels like more than I need to feel accomplished - I have always wanted to run a half marathon. He makes me feel like, not only can I run a half marathon, but I can FINISH a half marathon as well. Someone has to finish last, and I feel no shame if it happens to be me.

I also recently started gardening. My dad always had a double plot (they’re pretty big plots!) at our local community garden. This past year he moved and, rather than give up the whole garden, passed one of his two plots on to me. I’ve worked really hard on it over the past two months and it’s so exciting and satisfying to see everything grow! I can’t underestimate how much work it has been. I feel like 90% of gardening is weeding (SO! Much! WEEDING!), but when I see something new pop off on a vine or a branch it all feels so worth it. Our chamomile is blooming, tomatoes are still green but growing, we have cantaloupe (!!) growing on the vines, and even a little tiny fairytale eggplant making its debut.

New hobbies can be picked up any time, things that once didn’t interest you can become satisfying and exciting out of nowhere. It’s been so delightful to experiment with my time and try new things in my mid-thirties. On one hand, I question why I never tried embracing new hobbies before, but I think maybe you’re introduced to new things when you need it most.

Grief is weird and never-ending.

I was standing in front of the Jewish cooking section of my mom’s cookbook collection. The Jewish holiday season snuck up on me as usual, I’m excited for it and dreading it in equal measure.

I picked through a couple of books to flip through and carried them up to my apartment, thinking about how the grieving process is so weird in its ebbs and flows, never-ending. There are dates that I will obviously miss her - the day she passed, her birthday, my birthday. The wedding anniversary shared between my husband and I, and my parents, February 9th.

Then holidays like Rosh Hashanah will come up and I’ll be missing the days when she’d call me and say “it’s Rosh Hashanah, the work day is done, come over for a glass of wine, cheese, and apples.” Or on Halloween when she’d text me saying, “I know you’re going out, but can you stop by so I can see your costume?”

Grief is like a little thread that dances through everything, stitching together timelines, sitting just below the surface of everyday life. It’s there in the good and there in the bad and there in the monotonous.

Life Lately

Lately I’ve been spending more time reading and drawing.

When I was in undergrad and hoping to change my area of study from biology to illustration and design, I took the advice (so many gave me this advice) that I can always maintain creative hobbies and stay in the sciences professionally. Sometimes I kind of regret taking that advice, I firmly believe the sciences can be embraced as a hobby as well - especially some natural sciences. Regardless, I feel like it’s been really challenging to make enough time for my creative hobbies over the years.

For the couple of years I’ve been trying to prioritize making time for things like drawing, crochet, painting, and writing. Even if I can only make time for some doodles, making and taking that time is important.

For the last few months I’ve entirely cut out working overtime in the lab and it’s given me so much more time to do the things I actually enjoy. I’ve been drawing more, I’m re-learning how to use Photoshop and learning how to use Illustrator and Figma. I’m building on my current functional-beginner level in web design languages like HTML and CSS (I like to think that I’m not a true beginner, but I still need to look things up all the time, I like to consider myself functional-beginner because I still need to look things up all the time).

I’ve been reading two books at any given time - usually one self-help or educational and one fiction/non-fiction/novel for entertainment - and I’m actually finishing them again.

I really want to keep this going and I hope that I can build on it. While I’d still love to change my career, these lifestyle changes are feeling pretty good for the time being. I’m excited to learn about the things that I enjoy most in my free time.

Change in Perspective

The other day I was talking with a friend about the early days of YouTube and social media. I was mentally yoinked back to the days of Tumblr (back when tumblarity was still a thing) and, before that, LiveJournal (the original, where I would spill my guts and share all about my day as a 13-16 year old complete with the perfect emoji to indicate my “mood”). It honestly left me wishing for that kind of real-time “journaling”-like blogging again.

Maybe with less TMI details, but something to look back on and reflect where I was compared to where I am.

Lately, life has felt super up-in-the-air. I wish that I could slow down for more than a weekend here and there. I wish it were possible to take some kind of a gap year (or even half-year!) to figure things out, like some do either before or after college. Alas, the bills, responsibilities, and need for health insurance are very different in your mid-30s than your early 20s.

I’ve been fully rejected for both my dream job and all lower-level positions that may help me someday reach my dream job and I’m burnt out from applying. At this point I just want to find a whole new career, one that might suit my life and interests a bit better, but I don’t know what that might be anymore.

We’ve essentially abandoned our home search - not only because everything is beyond anything we could possibly afford, but even while looking at homes beyond our means, they’re not the style we’re interested in. Our old little apartment suits us fine for now though, and we can still afford it.

So many of the homes for sale around us have been renovated in the same cookie-cutter way, either with additions or full demo-remodels that have extended the cute bungalows that once were to the very edge of the property. There’s nothing wrong with this kind of home if it’s what you want, but it isn’t what we want and it isn’t our style. Sometimes I worry that my ideal home will cease to exist, that they’ll all be changed instead of restored, if I don’t hurry up and find it.

I’ve been trying to focus on all of the good I have around me… I’m honestly grateful for the apartment we have, in its prime location with rent control. We can’t own it, but we enjoy it immensely. While I wouldn’t say that I’m happy with my job right now, I am happy with my health insurance and I’ve been trying to make the most of the time I do have off. I’ve tried over the past year to spend as much time as possible outdoors, going for more hikes, walks at the beach, and trips to the lake in the Adirondacks.

I’m grateful for my family, my cats, and our new superstar pup named Paco who came into our lives just when we needed him the most.

Shifting focus like this really does help me amidst a world of feeling lost. Indulging in simple pleasures like an amazing candle or splurging on the nicer bottle of wine instead of the cheaper option can make the day-to-day feel special as well, as material and superficial as that may sound.

Clean Your Fridge

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but clean up your refrigerator. Not the inside – though if that needs a scrub down, by all means – but the outside. We had wedding invitations, thank you notes, grocery lists, and recipes strewn across our refrigerator for so long, it didn’t only need a pare-down, but a full cleaning. I’m talking Clorox and Magic Erasers to clean up the inevitable grease and grime that seems omnipresent in a well-used kitchen.

Save-the-dates and postcards went into a keepsake box and old receipts were thrown away. One quick swipe revealed how bright-white that door was supposed to be, and wow, it feels great to see it now!

Because we had so many layers of memorabilia and ephemera, we didn’t notice how gosh dang dirty the refrigerator door had become.

There’s breathing room between favorite magnets (linked here) and keepsake items and more room to make words and notes with our magnetic Scrabble tiles (link to similar but slightly different).

So as silly as it may sounds, if you need to, clean up your refrigerator.