What move is possible?

“don’t make a clean sweep, don’t wipe all your pieces off the board…. surprise yourself, and keep the game going, instead of turning your back on it. you can always start again once it’s finished. for the time being, ask yourself what move is possible - even if it’s only a tiny one - in order to enjoy the game and make it interesting.”

ollivier pourriol, the french art of not trying too hard

When I read, I’m a total note-taker. I write down quotes, words I like, sentences that flow in a pretty way, and phrases that I find thought provoking. While re-reading some of those notes, I came across this one: ask yourself what move is possible. If you can’t change the game you’re playing and you can’t start over with a whole new game, consider what other moves might be possible to enjoy the same game a little bit more.

So lately that’s what I find myself doing. I’m asking myself, what move is possible? After more than a year of applying and interviewing, I haven’t had success in finding a new job. So how can I be okay with staying where I am for a bit? Is there some kind of side-hustle that I can take on to feel more inspired and fulfilled professionally? Is there anything that I can do at work to make the days feel more tolerable?

We’ve been looking at houses for a few years now, with one rejected offer and virtually none available in our price range. How can I make my current living situation more enjoyable? The lack of a washer and dryer for laundry is a real pain point for me; is there something I can do to make laundry day a nicer experience?

Amidst the frustration of things not working out, I’m trying to look for the small changes I can make to make the game - life - more interesting or enjoyable.

New Hobbies

Lately I have found myself thinking about little kid Jenna a lot. I think it’s because I’ve been spending so much time around family, friends, and their kids. I keep thinking about what little Jenna would have thought about where I am now. In my early- to mid-twenties I started traveling a lot, in part because I did not have the opportunity to do so as a kid. I knew that little Jenna would love to hear about the places we went, the things we saw, the food we tried.

When I started graduate school, I was pretty sure little Jenna would have been like, ‘uh… science?’ Biotechnology was never my plan A. Honestly, working in any kind of biomedical field wasn’t on my radar until the end of high school/beginning of college. If I became a librarian, an artist, a graphic designer - honestly any kind of creative field, bonus points if it involved clothes and fashion - I think little Jenna would be saying “yes, grown-up me is so cool.” When I think back too hard I frequently find myself asking “how the heck did I get here?”

I think, as humans, we have a great capacity to change as we age. There will always be little pieces of little us, but we are so malleable and capable of growing and becoming different adults. I do enjoy science, especially biology. Lately I’ve been learning more about gardening, and I’ve been considering diving deeper into botany and environmental science, reading about native plants that are friendly for pollinators.

Most of my hobbies are still creative. Sewing, drawing, painting… I also love reading and, occasionally, writing. It’s kind of nice to think that anyone can change direction at any point in their life, though. I read this article from Dr. Anthony Kovatch, pediatrician, who started running in his mid-forties and now runs marathons. He finished last in the Pittsburgh Marathon at 73 years old in last place, taking 7 hours 41 minutes, and he’s proud of that. He inspired me so much. While I have never been interested in running a marathon - 26.2 miles feels like more than I need to feel accomplished - I have always wanted to run a half marathon. He makes me feel like, not only can I run a half marathon, but I can FINISH a half marathon as well. Someone has to finish last, and I feel no shame if it happens to be me.

I also recently started gardening. My dad always had a double plot (they’re pretty big plots!) at our local community garden. This past year he moved and, rather than give up the whole garden, passed one of his two plots on to me. I’ve worked really hard on it over the past two months and it’s so exciting and satisfying to see everything grow! I can’t underestimate how much work it has been. I feel like 90% of gardening is weeding (SO! Much! WEEDING!), but when I see something new pop off on a vine or a branch it all feels so worth it. Our chamomile is blooming, tomatoes are still green but growing, we have cantaloupe (!!) growing on the vines, and even a little tiny fairytale eggplant making its debut.

New hobbies can be picked up any time, things that once didn’t interest you can become satisfying and exciting out of nowhere. It’s been so delightful to experiment with my time and try new things in my mid-thirties. On one hand, I question why I never tried embracing new hobbies before, but I think maybe you’re introduced to new things when you need it most.

Clean Your Fridge

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but clean up your refrigerator. Not the inside – though if that needs a scrub down, by all means – but the outside. We had wedding invitations, thank you notes, grocery lists, and recipes strewn across our refrigerator for so long, it didn’t only need a pare-down, but a full cleaning. I’m talking Clorox and Magic Erasers to clean up the inevitable grease and grime that seems omnipresent in a well-used kitchen.

Save-the-dates and postcards went into a keepsake box and old receipts were thrown away. One quick swipe revealed how bright-white that door was supposed to be, and wow, it feels great to see it now!

Because we had so many layers of memorabilia and ephemera, we didn’t notice how gosh dang dirty the refrigerator door had become.

There’s breathing room between favorite magnets (linked here) and keepsake items and more room to make words and notes with our magnetic Scrabble tiles (link to similar but slightly different).

So as silly as it may sounds, if you need to, clean up your refrigerator.